【留美學子】第3563期
12年國際視角精選
仰望星空·腳踏實地
【陳屹視線】教育·人文·名家文摘
【陳屹視線】導語：
一年前，聽黃宗之先生說起女兒辭去工作、踏上太平洋屋脊步道（PCT）的冒險時，我尚不能完全理解這個決定的分量。
直到後來——當我讀到這位年輕女孩字字鏗鏘的徒步文章，得知她甚至寫下了遺書直面可能遭遇生命危險的決絕，再看到那些記錄著絕壁深淵的影像時，一種前所未有的震撼擊中了我。不僅是對一對父母教育智慧的歎服，更是對生命如此勇敢綻放的深深禮讚。
歷時一週多的每一天，我沉浸在編輯與製作的漩渦中，難以直視那些驚心動魄、令人窒息的畫面——每一個場景都如懸崖邊緣的生死一瞬。
4286公里，162天，一場在荒野的生存博弈，一個嬌小的華人女孩辭掉高薪工作，孤身闖入美洲屋脊的無人之境，她尋找的究竟是什麼？
太平洋屋脊步道（PCT），這條橫貫美國西部的“艱險之路”，曾讓無數壯漢折戟——雪山崩塌、沙漠灼骨，毒蛇野熊，甚至美洲獅的凝視都可能成為最後一幕。而黃安琦，一個身高不足一米六的亞裔女孩，卻將30多斤的生存裝備壓上肩頭，在父母崩潰的反對聲中，執拗地踏進了荒野。
這不僅僅是勵志故事，更是一場關於“自由與勇氣”的豪賭。
她並非戶外專家，卻在惠特尼峰的冰壁上險些墜崖；
她不懂氣象，卻敢在暴風雨前與時間賽跑；
當同伴紛紛怯步，她咬著牙在衛星定位儀上劃出孤獨的軌跡。
父母日夜盯著地圖上那個微弱的訊號點，直到某天，她發來一張站在中點標誌柱的照片，渾身是傷，卻笑得像個勝利者。
但真正的震撼，藏在她的揹包之外。
八年前，一本《走出荒野》在她心裡埋下火種。當都市精英們沉迷於“三居室和2.5個孩子”的成功學指令碼時，她卻毅然撕毀了婚約、辭去矽谷的高薪工作，在32歲時執意闖進正在消失的荒野。氣候變化正吞噬著PCT的原始面貌，她近乎悲壯地寫道：“我想在PCT的森林消失前，用腳步丈量它們的傷痕。”
這場遠征，早已超越徒步本身。
當父親顫抖著說出“我們等你回家”，當母親凌晨四點驅車送行卻不敢挽留，中國式家庭最撕裂的成長課題被狠狠剖開。父母究竟該用力保護，還是放手成全？而安琦用162天的生死歷險給出答案：愛不是捆住雙腳的繩索，而是目送背影時，忍住不喊的那聲“回頭”。
此刻，她的靴底仍沾著塞拉山脈的雪泥，而太平洋的風已吹向加拿大邊境。
本期內容裡，您將看到一位父親含淚寫下的守望與回顧，以及這位華人女孩如何在美洲屋脊上，重新定義的“成功”與“自由”
本期內容提示
【陳屹視線】導語
PCT簡介
爸爸筆下的女兒
黃安琦自述
鏡頭下的難忘瞬間
對話黃安琦
附：英文原文
PCT全程線路
爸爸筆下的女兒
湖南衡陽人。出版長篇小說七部（與妻子合著六部），兩部紀實文學作品。美國洛杉磯華文作家協會監事長、榮譽會長，北美華人作家協會理事，世界華人作家聯盟常務理事，《世界華人週報》文學版和綜合版主編。
荒野中的追尋：
一位父親眼中的PCT徒步遠征
文：黃宗之
（節選自湖南文學雜誌2025年05期）
引子
清晨的陽光灑在南加州的荒野上，青草搖曳，野花綻放。三月的風還帶著涼意，一群年輕人揹著沉重的行囊，踏上了太平洋屋脊步道（PCT）的起點。
母親在啟程之點為女兒送行
晨光初現的荒野中有三四十名年輕徒步者整裝待發，他們在收拾帳篷，點火煮食，打包行囊。這些膚色不同的年輕人熱情友善，寒暄問候，互相幫忙。他們看上去裝備精良，精神飽滿，行動乾淨利落，顯得訓練有素。
安琦也用自己帶在路上的小煤氣爐，煮食給母親雪梅和珊妮妹妹品嚐。
當徒步者們分頭出發時，母親執意背上安琦重達三十多斤的徒步揹包，與珊妮一起，陪安琦和她的男朋友走了PCT起點處的一英里多路程，直到自己不小心跌了一跤才依依不捨地與安琦道別。
安琦，一個身高不足一米六的華人女孩，站在隊伍的最前面。她的揹包重達三十多斤，裡面裝著帳篷、睡袋、食物、水、急救包——這是她未來五個月的全部家當。
黃宗之和妻子雪梅對女兒的這一冒險行為，心中五味雜陳。他們從未想過，女兒會放棄高薪的軟體工程師工作，選擇徒步4286公里，穿越美國西部最險峻的荒野。
這條路，將帶她翻越雪山、橫穿沙漠、涉過激流，甚至可能遭遇野熊、毒蛇和極端天氣。
未知的恐懼：父母的焦慮與掙扎
當安琦第一次告訴我們她的計劃時，我和雪梅幾乎同時反對。
“一個女孩獨自在荒野裡徒步2600多英里，太危險了！萬一遇到野獸或歹徒怎麼辦？萬一摔下冰雪覆蓋的山崖呢？”我打電話給安琦，對她要徒步PCT表示堅決反對。
“爸，這條路已經有幾千人走過，很成熟的。”她的語氣輕鬆，彷彿只是在談論一次週末郊遊。
可我們怎能不擔心？
PCT不是普通的徒步路線，它橫跨加州、俄勒岡、華盛頓三州，沿途有海拔4000多米的雪山，有荒蕪的沙漠，有湍急的河流，甚至有美洲獅和響尾蛇出沒。
雪梅急得坐立不安，甚至想辭職陪她一起走。可安琦拒絕了：“媽，你沒經驗，反而會讓我分心。”
對於安琦的堅持，媽媽雪梅也無可奈何，她反過來對我說：“我們能勸得住她嗎？過去二十年裡，她什麼時候聽過我們的勸告？”
她說得沒錯。安琦從小獨立、有主見。申請大學時，我們希望她學生物醫學，繼承我們的職業，她卻在大二時毅然轉為計算機科學。
最終，我們只能妥協。
臨行前，雪梅和小女兒珊妮凌晨四點出發，趕到起點為她送行。雪梅親自背上30多斤的揹包，陪女兒走了起點一英里多的路程。看著安琦揹著巨大的揹包，消失在荒野的晨光中，我們的心彷彿也被帶走了。
在鄧斯繆爾的幾天裡，我遇到了二十多位徒步者，除了安琦，幾乎沒有其他華人。這個問題一直縈繞在我心頭：究竟是什麼驅使他們踏上這條艱難而充滿風險的步道？
荒野的考驗：孤獨、極限與生死瞬間
徒步的第一個月，安琦每天都會發簡訊報平安。可隨著她深入荒野，訊號越來越差，有時一連幾天沒有訊息。
我和雪梅只能透過衛星定位追蹤她的位置，看著地圖上的小點緩慢移動，想象她在烈日下跋涉、在寒風中紮營的樣子。
直到有一天，她發來一張照片，站在PCT中點的水泥柱旁，笑容燦爛。
她已經走了一百天，瘦了，皮膚曬得黝黑，腿上佈滿劃痕和熱疹。
可真正的考驗才剛剛開始。
在北加州的鄧斯繆爾，我們終於見到了她。她獨自一人從漆黑的森林中走出來，頭戴照明燈，滿身塵土。那一刻，我的心猛地揪緊——她的同伴呢？
“在攀登惠特尼峰時，他們放棄了，只有我一個人登頂。”她輕描淡寫地說。
惠特尼峰，海拔4418米，終年積雪。安琦沒有登山經驗，卻獨自攀爬了最後4000英尺的冰坡。
她給我們看了一段影片：陡峭的雪壁上，她手握冰鎬，一步步向上攀爬，腳下是萬丈深淵。
“下山時，我迷路了，差點趕不上暴風雨前的撤離。”她的語氣平靜，可我的後背早已被冷汗浸透。
父母的煎熬：等待與釋然
在安琦徒步的五個多月裡，我和雪梅幾乎沒有睡過一個安穩覺。每當新聞報道有徒步者遇險，我們就會瘋狂地給她發訊息，直到收到回覆才能稍稍安心。
親戚們不理解：“你們為什麼不阻止她？”
我們試過，但未如願。安琦從小就有主見，她選擇這條路，不是為了冒險，而是為了尋找自己。她在文章中寫道：“我曾害怕迷路，以至於從未思考腳下的路是否能通往真正想去的地方。”
安琦給我們講述了一次攀登的經歷
安琦與途中遇到的同伴一行七人沿著PCT走到惠特尼峰大約9000英尺高處時，南美裔徒步者出現了高原反應，頭暈嘔吐，不得不放棄，與黑人女友提前下了山。
兩天後，剩下的五人到達海拔10500英尺處的宿營地。約翰因曾經登頂過惠特尼峰，熟悉路線，不願被拖慢徒步進度，一個人先行了；那對芬蘭情侶則因為前晚休息得不好，擔心體力不支，也放棄了攀登雪峰。
於是只留下安琦和女大學生結伴。可當她倆走到被冰雪覆蓋的陡坡時，女大學生嚇得直哭，不敢再繼續，最終選擇折返。
安琦便獨自前行。
幸運的是，她在途中遇到了一位有著雪山攀登經驗的白人徒步者庫克。
安琦邊說，邊拿出手機，播放影片給我們看。她說攀登雪峰的最後4000英尺行程的影片是這位名叫庫克的徒步者幫她拍的。
多虧這位熱心的年輕人耐心教授安琦雪山攀登技巧，並陪她一起前行。他倆凌晨四點從營地出發，計劃趕在日出前登頂。
然而，現實比想象中更加艱難。雪峰上基本沒有路，有的地方全被冰雪覆蓋，他們只能用冰鎬開路，穿著尖釘鐵底鞋，踩著冰雪一步步走，依照地圖和衛星導航找到大致的方向，在冰雪上艱難攀行。
接近山頂的地方是覆滿殘雪與堅冰的石崖，他倆只能沿著石巖往上爬。安琦第一次攀登如此高的雪峰，行動緩慢，等他倆抵達山頂時，太陽已然升起，他們錯過了日出。
山頂風大，氣溫也極低。他們躲進避風的石屋，用隨身攜帶的小煤氣爐煮食補充體力。然而，天氣預報顯示暴風雪即將到來，他們必須儘快下山。
下山比上山更危險。陡峭的冰雪坡讓人無法站立行走，他們只能用冰鎬當剎車，直接坐在冰面上滑行。
途中，安琦一度迷路，所幸手機仍有訊號，她依靠衛星地圖重新找到方向，一路奔跑，終於趕在暴風雨和冰雹來臨前回到了帳篷駐地。
安琦講述這段經歷時眼裡閃爍著光彩，她翻出一張照片——在那蔚藍的天空下，她站在峰頂的岩石上，雙手高舉印有“Whitney 14505”字樣的牌子，臉上寫滿了勝利的喜悅。
可影片裡她在四十五度冰坡上攀爬的畫面，卻讓我心驚膽戰。那白雪皚皚的懸崖，僅靠冰鎬一步步向上攀爬，腳下便是萬丈深淵，稍有不慎，便可能發生意外。
那一刻，我感到後怕。深夜，我躺在民宿的床上輾轉難眠，內心無數次叨唸：“安琦啊，安琦，你怎麼讓爸媽如此擔心呢？”
接下來的幾天裡，影片裡安琦的身影也始終浮現在我的腦海裡——她孤身一人，在冰雪中艱難攀行。
PCT對她而言，不僅是一次徒步，更是一場心靈的跋涉。
最後的放手：信任與祝福
在鄧斯繆爾的那幾天，我們終於明白，我們的擔憂無法改變她的決心。我們能做的，只有支援。
雪梅給她買了更輕便的裝備，希望她能加快速度，趕在冬季風暴前抵達終點。
我則默默記下她的行程，每天檢視天氣預報，祈禱她平安。
臨別時，我們對她說：“等你到終點，我們去接你。”
她笑了，眼神堅定：“好，我一定走到最後。”
黃宗之在家鄉南嶽大廟祈求女兒平安
安琦在路上，她的身影穿過森林、翻越山脊，在廣袤的荒野中顯得如此渺小，卻又如此堅韌。
作為父母，
我們終於學會了放手。
PCT是她的旅程，
而我們能做的，
就是在她身後，
默默守護，
等待她歸來。
因為愛，
不僅是牽掛，
更是信任與成全。
徒步時的幾個瞬間，其中有走錯路線的記錄
女兒的所思所發現
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穿越太平洋屋脊步道
黃安琦（美國）
作者簡介：1991年出生於湖南衡陽市，1996年隨父母移居美國洛杉磯，現居住紐約。就讀於加州大學洛杉磯分校計算機科學專業，大學畢業後曾在迪斯尼公司總部、亞馬遜公司、Airbnb公司擔任軟體工程師、曾任Airbnb公司部門經理。2023年辭去工作，進行穿越太平洋屋脊步道（PCT）訓練以及準備工作，目前正在PCT荒野中徒步。
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黃安琦（美國）
幾周前，我開始告訴人們我計劃徒步穿越太平洋屋脊步道（PCT）。
當他們問我為什麼要在4月至9月的黃金季節離開紐約，從美國的墨西哥邊界出發，徒步4200多公里到達加拿大邊界時，我花了一段時間才回答道：“我受到了《走出荒野》這本書的感召。”
得出這個笨拙答案的原因之一是“我受到《走出荒野》的感召”這句話可能是徒步穿越PCT最標準的回答。
謝麗爾·斯特雷德（Cheryl Strayed）的回憶錄《走出荒野》於 2012年出版，並於2014年被改編成奧斯卡提名電影，這極大地提高了太平洋屋脊小路的知名度，並推動了這項長途徒步活動呈指數級增長。
2015年9月我第一次接觸到《走出荒野》時，我剛在亞馬遜公司工作了一年零幾個月。正好趕上《紐約時報》發表一篇該死的文章，批評亞馬遜企業文化，我三心二意地為之辯解。
我置身於舊金山辦公室的高科技泡沫中，享受著公司為了跟上矽谷日益奢華的科技文化而為員工提供的免費蘇打水，我絕對從未見過有人在辦公桌前哭泣。
然而沒過多久，我就哭了。
幸運的是，那是我在週末加班的時候，因此是在我的私人公寓裡，而不是在我敞開的辦公桌前。我很快知道了我也會厭惡工作。我曾以為會一帆風順的人生路上，在我大學畢業3年時，第一次出現了荊棘。
斯特雷德揹著一個重達她一半體重的揹包，穿著嶄新的靴子，迷茫而天真地來到了PCT的南端。她離開時已經卸掉了現實的和情感的包袱。
這本書在我心裡留下深深的烙印，讓我覺得PCT就是一個重生之地，我去過後可以填補自己認知中的某些空白。
我在一個寫著我所有的人生目標的書籤上，在“買房”和“成為工作總監”之間，插入了“徒步穿越PCT”，然後把書籤夾在我的計劃本里。
2015年底，我決定離開亞馬遜，面試了幾家公司，收到了幾個錄用通知。
2016年初，我戴上一副嶄新的玫瑰色眼鏡，開始了在Airbnb的7年工作。
在那裡我全心全意地為公司的使命而努力，卻眼看它在盈利和增長的壓力下慢慢崩潰。
我訂了婚，然後又解除了婚約；我曾為此感觸良多，後來得以解脫。
我早已經為自己標好路徑，這條路徑會帶我到達我認為我應該攀登的所有高峰：在我的工作領域得到認可，擁有一棟三居室的房子，並撫養2.5個有良好教養的孩子。
可是，我的足跡從這條帶標記的路徑上移開，如似鑽進了灌木叢。但自始至終，PCT一直矗立在許多其他山峰形成的天際線中，每當我從樹林中窺視它時，它的輝煌都會在我心中點燃一團火，但我卻不知何去何從。
在朋友的推薦下，我報名參加了一個有嚮導的西弗吉尼亞州的揹包旅行，為期五天。他今年早些時候在埃斯卡蘭特做過類似的旅行，並對涉水湍急的河流、攀越懸崖和在星空下像牛仔般露營的體驗讚不絕口。
旅行前的幾個月，我們被要求向團隊傳送自我介紹。我懷著敬畏瀏覽了每個參與者的“遠足經歷”：他們徒步行走了孤星遠足步道、大陸分水嶺步道(CDT)、阿巴拉契亞國家步道(AT)等等。
我感到內心的風暴在拼命地呼嘯，PCT猶如一陣狂風吹過，喚醒了曾經的可能性，當烏雲散去時，依然聳立在那裡。
也許當我第一次閱讀《走出荒野》時，PCT就已深深地紮根於我心中，因為我太迷茫了——儘管那時我並不知道，但我的工作和戀愛——我為自己建立的身份認同的雙核心，都敲響了喪鐘。
我不再希冀被PCT治癒後變得完整，就像斯特雷德出發時那樣。
八年來我所經歷的各種轉折告訴我，人生是一段漫長的成功和失敗互相交替的旅程，而完整是一個我永遠也無法到達的、可以讓人放下揹包、宣佈旅程已經結束的終點。
PCT只是各種山峰構成的天際線中的一座巔峰，我終於決定拿出一張地圖。
我開始規劃我的路線。我仔細研究了之前對PCT徒步旅行者的調查及他們的徒步報告；我在徒步旅行指南上添加了書籤，並在日曆上寫下了得到徒步許可證的日期。
我讀得越多，就越感到緊迫，這個想法在我的靈魂中像自由落體一樣尋找著終極速度。
2021年，由於新冠疫情期間缺乏森林維護，野火席捲了加利福尼亞州，摧毀了森林並導致加利福尼亞州的大片PCT被關閉。
2022年9月，加拿大發生了類似的大火，使PCT的北部終點站被關閉，北行的徒步旅行者被迫放棄了完成PCT的希望。
幾個月後，西海岸經歷了歷史性的降雪量。太平洋屋脊步道協會（Pacific Crest Trail Association）因此宣佈關閉雪崩風險高的路段。
創紀錄的積雪使開放小徑上的徒步條件變得更加危險，因為大氣河流在某些地區七天24小時持續傾盆降雨，而另一些地區的河流則因融雪過多而洪水氾濫。
氣候變化已經使徒步穿越PCT發生了不可逆轉的變化，許多徒步旅行者開始擔心相對安全地穿越PCT還能持續多久。
我於5月份辭去了工作，計劃在重返職場之前休假兩年。
我已經32歲了，雖然還不確定我是否想要孩子，但我不能完全排除這種可能性。
我知道年長的人總說世界上有的是時間做你喜歡的事情，但對於徒步穿越PCT，這似乎不是真的。
我感覺我的機會之窗因氣候變化將在10年或20年後被扼殺，或者取決於我的下一次機會何時到來，所以我心癢難捱地告訴自己：我必須現在就踏上征途。
說“我受到《走出荒野》這本書的感召”比表達我在思考20年後加州荒野可能的樣子所感到的恐懼和悲傷更容易。
如果說我加入徒步旅行者的行列橫跨PCT，是為了戰勝氣候變化，這顯得淺薄與自大。
但我想感受莫哈韋山脈的兇險，
想看開滿了野花的肯尼迪草場，
想在雄偉的高塞拉山峰下感受自我的渺小，
我想在雨中蜷縮在帳篷裡，
驚異自己為什麼選擇了這個冒險，
並想在暴風雨襲擊時望著廣闊的山谷驚歎：
我從那裡一路走來！
我想向所有被燒燬的森林表達我的敬意!
在某種程度上，我是在找回我二十多歲的前半段。
我曾經非常害怕迷路，以至於我從來沒有考慮過腳下的小路是否通向我想去的地方。
我的眼睛緊緊地盯著那條人們常走的路，卻很少留意是什麼與我擦身而過。
但現在，
我要激情四射地投入到未知世界中去，
即使有時會滑倒，
有時會走錯路，
我也會用心走好每一步。
我將一步一個腳印，
睜大眼睛，
懷揣敬畏。
（朱雪梅翻譯。北美華文作家沙石先生和桑宜川教授對其中一些句子作了斧正，特此致謝。）
鏡頭下的難忘瞬間
出發地美墨邊境營地
安琦到達300英里處
女兒與同行到達洛杉磯合影一家四口在洛杉磯附近接到女兒時的山頂合影
父親烹調招待與女兒同行夥伴
兩天裡，父親烹調中晚餐，每頓都是不少於10道菜，儘量不重複
中途父母飛到鄧斯摩爾鎮看望女兒
父母陪女兒購買更輕便的裝備
Q&A 對話黃安琦
【陳屹視線】你遇到過最具挑戰性的時刻是什麼？
黃安琦：
毫無疑問，是在Sierra山區後段和優勝美地的涉水過河。我的游泳能力不強，而我是在五月底到那裡的，山下的河流正因雪融而水量極大、水流湍急。那時候我已經和同行的夥伴分開了，只能獨自面對這些河流，而如果不花時間仔細選擇過河路徑，是非常危險的。
有一次，河水既湍急又深及腰部，我失去了平衡，被衝出二十英尺遠，直到我抓住了一棵倒在河中的樹才停下來。幸運的是，那天我碰巧遇到了一些同行的驢友，他們跑到河對岸將我救了出來。那大概是我最接近生死的一次經歷。
此後，每次過河我都會感到恐慌，但那些朋友非常體貼，會花時間幫我過河，有時還走在我前面，幫我擋住水流。我能走完Sierra山區的路，多虧了這些朋友。
另一個非常棘手的問題是北加州的山火。當時有很多火災影響了步道，我們每天都在關注火勢，考慮是否需要更改徒步路線和補給計劃。這在後勤安排上非常困難，我還丟失了幾箱寄給自己的補給包，因為我根本無法到達那些寄包裹的城鎮——火災導致通往那裡的道路被封鎖了。
【陳屹視線】你曾經想過放棄嗎？
黃安琦：
在北加州時，我確實有時會有這種念頭。那一段是很多徒步者情緒低落的區域——加州最美的風景已經過去，天氣又極度炎熱、無遮無擋，而且距離俄勒岡州還有700英里的路程。
那時候我請父母來鄧斯繆爾看我，也讓一位密友在我走到俄勒岡中段時來看我。能期待親人的到來讓我重新振作，繼續前行。
還有一次是我在俄勒岡被蚊子咬得快瘋了，但說實話，那次我雖然情緒低落，但也不是真的打算放棄。
【陳屹視線】在出發前，你是否曾預料到這一路會有這麼多困難甚至不幸的遭遇？
黃安琦：
我知道這會是一次艱難的旅程，也知道我得做一些以前從未嘗試過的事，比如使用冰鎬和冰爪。我知道有受傷的可能，也知道天氣難以預測。但直到真的上了步道，你才會明白那是什麼樣的感受。
即使你看過別人的影片，也很難設身處地地想象自己會是什麼反應。每天走25到30英里、連續數月帶來的疲憊，每晚全身痠痛，時刻計算水量和距離的壓力。
我原本以為我會一直跟一個“步道家庭”同行，卻沒想到有很多時間會是孤獨地一個人走。
那種孤獨，有時候真的讓人感到難以承受。
但你也想象不到，每次走到一個小鎮，能用上一個星期以來的第一個真正廁所時有多麼開心；或者站在高山之巔，俯瞰大地的那種激動。
【陳屹視線】既然你已經完成了這條步道，這段經歷對你最深的改變是什麼？你發現了自己或世界哪些以前沒有看到的部分？你將帶著什麼樣的能量或領悟走向未來的生活和職業？
黃安琦：
這些問題很難回答，我覺得我還在繼續消化和認識這些變化，有些體會還在慢慢浮現，還說不上來。
我想其中一個最大的改變是，我開始真正相信自己。
以前的我有些“控制狂”，只要對未來的計劃不明確，就會焦慮。但在步道上，你根本沒法這樣生活，一切都受自然主宰。而正是透過這樣的經歷，我學會了放手，接受生活中那些無法預料和控制的部分。
即便是感到不適、疲憊或害怕，這些也不一定能阻止我繼續前行。如果我能在野外活上五個月，其中三個月幾乎是獨自一人，那我就能面對人生中的任何挑戰。
現在這個世界變化太快了，
我不知道未來的職業會怎樣，
也不知道這個國家的走向。
但這沒關係：
就像在步道上，
我只需要一步步往前走就好。
女兒與爸媽勝利會師在紐約時代廣場
（Q&A 英文原文）
What was the most challenging moment you faced?
Definitely the river crossings in the latter part of the Sierra and in Yosemite. I’m not a very strong swimmer, and at the time I was there ( in late May ), the rivers in the lower parts of the mountain are full of snowmelt, which means they are very deep and very fast. Because I had to split up with my hiking mates by that time, I faced many of the rivers alone, which can be very dangerous if you don’t take your time to pick a strategic path. At one of the rivers, the water was extremely fast and waist deep. I lost my footing, and was carried 20feet down river until I managed to grab onto a tree that had fallen partway into the river. Luckily at that point, I was hiking with a few people I had met that day, and they ran down the other side of the river and towed me out. That was probably the most life-threatening situation I was in, and I started panicking every time I had to cross a river, but my hiking mates were very kind, and took time to help me across, including hiking in front of me to help protect me from some of the current. I owe being able to finish the Sierra to those friends I made 🙂 The other really challenging part was starting in Northern California, there were lots of wildfires that impacted the trail, which meant we were constantly watching the fires and thinking about if we needed to change our hiking and resupply (stopping to buy or receive shipments of food) plans. It was logistically very challenging, and I actually lost several of the boxes I mailed to myself, because I just couldn’t get to the towns I had sent them to, because the roads had been closed by the fires.
Were there times when you thought about giving up?
I thought about it occasionally during Northern California, which is a very common place for people to get depressed on trail, because the scenic portions of California are over, it’s extremely hot and exposed, and you still have 700 miles to go before Oregon. However, I asked my parents to come visit me in Dunsmuir, and a close friend of mine to come part-way through Oregon, and having loved ones to look forward to helped motivate me to keep going. I think the next closest time was when the mosquitoes were eating me alive in Oregon, but I don’t think I was ever that serious about giving up.
Before you began, did you ever imagine the hardships including the misfortune you’d encounter?
I knew it would be challenging, and that I would need to do things, like use an ice axe and crampons, that I’d never done before. I knew that there was a chance to get injured, and that the weather would be unpredictable. But I don’t think you ever really know how it feels to be on the trail until you’re there. Even if you see videos of other people doing it, it’s really hard to imagine how you will feel in the same situation – the tiredness of walking 25-30 miles a day for months, the way everything hurts at night, the stress of constantly calculating how much water you have and how far you need to go. I also thought I would be hiking with a trail family the whole time, so I didn’t realize that I would end up alone for so much of the hike, and that I would have moments where I felt so lonely. But you also can’t imagine how elated you feel getting to the next town, using a real toilet for the first time in a week, or staring down from the top of the world.
Now that you’ve successfully completed the trail, in what ways has the experience changed you most deeply? How did it help you discover parts of yourself, and the world, that you hadn’t seen before? And what kind of energy or lessons will you carry forward into your future life and career?
Those are really hard questions, and I think I’m still working some of that out, and discovering things that have changed. I don’t think it’s easy to sum it up cleanly. I think one big thing is that it really helped me build trust in myself. I think in the past, I was a bit of a control freak, and if I didn’t know what my future plans would be, I would get very anxious. But you can’t live your life that way on trail – you’re too much at the whims of nature. And experiencing that, I learned to let go a bit, and accept that there are parts of life that I can’t anticipate or control. Even if I’m uncomfortable, or exhausted, or scared, that doesn’t have to stop me from moving forward. If I can survive for five months in the wild, three of those months mostly on my own, then I can survive anything. I think the world is changing a lot right now, and I don’t know what that means for the field I work in or this country I live in. But that’s ok – just like on trail, I just have to take it one step at a time.
王者歸來！！！
女兒與爸媽勝利會師在紐約時代廣場
附黃安琦的英文原文
Crossing the Pacific Crest Trail
By Angelina Huang （USA）
A few weeks ago, I started telling people that I’m planning to hike the Pacific Crest Trail. When they ask why I’d possibly want to leave New York in its prime season – between April and September – to hike 2650 miles from Mexico to Canada, it takes me a while before I’m able to get to the answer: “I was inspired by Wild.”
One of the reasons I fumble the answer is because “I was inspired by Wild” is probably the most stereotypical reason for hiking the PCT. Published in 2012 and adapted to an Oscar-nominated movie in 2014, Cheryl Strayed’s memoir drove an exponential rise in popularity for both through-hiking and the PCT.
When I first picked up Wild in September of 2015, I was a few months past my 1-year at Amazon. The NYT had just publisheda damning piece criticizing Amazon’s corporate culture, which I was defending halfheartedly – ensconced in the bubble of the San Francisco office, which provided free soda in order to keep up with the more lavish tech culture of Silicon Valley, I certainly had never seen anyone cry at their desks. It wasn’t that much later when I cried (although blessedly it was while I was working overtime on a weekend and therefore in the privacy of my apartment, rather than at my middle-of-the-open-floorplan desk). I learned in short order that I could loathe work. For the first time in the 3 years since I had graduated college, brambles appeared along what I had thought would be a smooth sailing trail through adulthood.
Strayed arrived at the southern end of the PCT lost and naive, carrying a pack weighing half her body weight and wearing brand new boots. She left having shorn both her literal and emotional baggage. It emblazoned in me this vision of the PCT as a place of rebirth, where I could go and leave with some undiscovered part of myself repaired. I wrotehike the PCTon a bookmark I had written all of my life goals on, nestled in between buy a house and become Director level at work, and tucked it into my planner.
Late in 2015, I decided to leave Amazon. I interviewed for a handful of companies and received a handful of offers. In early 2016, I donned a fresh pair of rose-tinted glasses and embarked on a 7-year stint at Airbnb, where I would experience the turbulence of working for a place whose mission you wholeheartedly dedicate yourself to, only to see it slowly crumbling under the pressures of profitability and growth. I got engaged, then broke off the engagement; entered situationships, then left them. My trail splintered off from the marked path that would take me to all the summits I thought I should climb: becoming recognized in my field, owning a 3 bedroom house, and raising 2.5 well adjusted kids. I ventured tentatively into the underbrush. All through this, the PCT stood perpetually amongst the skyline of so many other summits, one whose splendor lit a fire in me whenever it peeked through the trees, but which I couldn’t decide on moving towards or leaving behind.
I signed up for a guided 5-day backpacking trip to West Virginia on a friend’s recommendation – he had gone on a similar trip to Escalante earlier this year, and had raved about the experience of fording rushing rivers, off-trailing through the cliffs, and cowboy camping under the stars. A few months ahead of the trip, we were asked to send an introduction of ourselves to the group. I skimmed each participant’s “hiker creds” in awe: they had hiked the Lone Star Trail, the CDT, the AT, and more. A gust stirred up, and I felt the nervous rattling of an inner storm, a reawakening of old possibilities. When the clouds dissipated, there the PCT stood.
Perhaps the idea of the PCT rooted so deeply in me when I first read Wild because I was so lost myself – I didn’t know it then, but the death bells were ringing for both my job and my relationship, the twin cores I had built my identity around. I’m no longer looking to be made whole by the PCT, like Strayed might have been when she set out. The turns I’ve taken in the 8 years since have taught me that life is a long journey of makings and unmakings, and that wholeness is not a destination that I can everarrive at, upon which I can set down my pack and decide that my journey is done. The PCT is just a summit amongst a skyline of summits, but finally, I decide to pull out a map.
I started charting my course. I pored over previous surveys of PCT through-hikers and their trail reports; I bookmarked through-hiker guides and penned the permit dates in my calendar. The more I read the more urgency I felt, the idea free-falling through my soul in search of terminal velocity.
In 2021, wildfires ripped through California, bolstered by lack of forest maintenance during Covid, decimating forests and closing large swathes of the PCT in California. In September of 2022,similar blazes in Canada closed the northern terminus of the PCT, forcing north-bound hikers to abandon their hopes of completing the PCT. A few months later, the West Coast experienced historic levels of snowfall. In response, the PCTA ( Pacific Crest Trail Association ) announced closures along trails with high avalanche risk. Record snowpack made hiking conditions on open trails more dangerous, as atmospheric rivers dumped rain 24/7 in some areas, and snowmelt flooded rivers in others. Through-hiking the PCT has already changed irrevocably due to climate change, and many hikers echo concernsaround how much longer the PCT will be relatively safe to hike.
I quit my job in May with a plan to take 2 years off before returning to the workforce. I’m 32 now and though I’m unsure if I want to have children, I can’t completely dismiss the possibility. I know older folks say that there’s all the time in the world to do the things that you love, but with the PCT, that just doesn’t seem true. My window of opportunity feels like it’s being strangled closed by how climate change will impact the PCT in 10 or 20 years, or whenever I might get my next chance, so my gut clenches and tells me I must go NOW.
It’s easier to say “I was inspired by Wild” than to convey the terror and grief I feel when thinking about what California’s wilderness might look like in 20 years. It feels stupid and selfish to say that I’m trying to beat out climate change, and joining the hoards of hikers stampeding through the PCT to do so. But I want to face the brutal exposure of the Mojave, to see meadows shimmering with wildflowers, to be made minuscule by the alpine peaks of the High Sierra. I want to huddle in my tent during the rain and wonder,why did I choose this, and when the storm breaks, I want to look across the expansive valley and marvel, I came from all the way over there. I want to pay my respects to all of the forests that burned.
In a way, I’m reclaiming the first half of my twenties. I was so afraid of getting lost that I never considered if the trail headed whereI wanted to go. I kept my eyes so firmly fixed on the well-trodden path, I barely saw what I was passing. But now, I want to plunge enthusiastically into the unknown, trusting that even though some steps may slip and some will lead the wrong way, I’ll take each of them intentionally. One step at a time, my eyes wide open with awe.
https://www.instagram.com/angies.gone.wild
A few weeks ago, I started telling people that I’m planning to hike the Pacific Crest Trail. When they ask why I’d possibly want to leave New York in its prime season – between April and September – to hike 2650 miles from Mexico to Canada, it takes me a while before I’m able to get to the answer: “I was inspired by Wild.”
One of the reasons I fumble the answer is because “I was inspired by Wild” is probably the most stereotypical reason for hiking the PCT. Published in 2012 and adapted to an Oscar-nominated movie in 2014, Cheryl Strayed’s memoir drove an exponential rise in popularity for both through-hiking and the PCT.
When I first picked up Wild in September of 2015, I was a few months past my 1-year at Amazon. The NYT had just publisheda damning piece criticizing Amazon’s corporate culture, which I was defending halfheartedly – ensconced in the bubble of the San Francisco office, which provided free soda in order to keep up with the more lavish tech culture of Silicon Valley, I certainly had never seen anyone cry at their desks. It wasn’t that much later when I cried (although blessedly it was while I was working overtime on a weekend and therefore in the privacy of my apartment, rather than at my middle-of-the-open-floorplan desk). I learned in short order that I could loathe work. For the first time in the 3 years since I had graduated college, brambles appeared along what I had thought would be a smooth sailing trail through adulthood.
Strayed arrived at the southern end of the PCT lost and naive, carrying a pack weighing half her body weight and wearing brand new boots. She left having shorn both her literal and emotional baggage. It emblazoned in me this vision of the PCT as a place of rebirth, where I could go and leave with some undiscovered part of myself repaired. I wrotehike the PCTon a bookmark I had written all of my life goals on, nestled in between buy a house and become Director level at work, and tucked it into my planner.
Late in 2015, I decided to leave Amazon. I interviewed for a handful of companies and received a handful of offers. In early 2016, I donned a fresh pair of rose-tinted glasses and embarked on a 7-year stint at Airbnb, where I would experience the turbulence of working for a place whose mission you wholeheartedly dedicate yourself to, only to see it slowly crumbling under the pressures of profitability and growth. I got engaged, then broke off the engagement; entered situationships, then left them. My trail splintered off from the marked path that would take me to all the summits I thought I should climb: becoming recognized in my field, owning a 3 bedroom house, and raising 2.5 well adjusted kids. I ventured tentatively into the underbrush. All through this, the PCT stood perpetually amongst the skyline of so many other summits, one whose splendor lit a fire in me whenever it peeked through the trees, but which I couldn’t decide on moving towards or leaving behind.
I signed up for a guided 5-day backpacking trip to West Virginia on a friend’s recommendation – he had gone on a similar trip to Escalante earlier this year, and had raved about the experience of fording rushing rivers, off-trailing through the cliffs, and cowboy camping under the stars. A few months ahead of the trip, we were asked to send an introduction of ourselves to the group. I skimmed each participant’s “hiker creds” in awe: they had hiked the Lone Star Trail, the CDT, the AT, and more. A gust stirred up, and I felt the nervous rattling of an inner storm, a reawakening of old possibilities. When the clouds dissipated, there the PCT stood.
Perhaps the idea of the PCT rooted so deeply in me when I first read Wild because I was so lost myself – I didn’t know it then, but the death bells were ringing for both my job and my relationship, the twin cores I had built my identity around. I’m no longer looking to be made whole by the PCT, like Strayed might have been when she set out. The turns I’ve taken in the 8 years since have taught me that life is a long journey of makings and unmakings, and that wholeness is not a destination that I can everarrive at, upon which I can set down my pack and decide that my journey is done. The PCT is just a summit amongst a skyline of summits, but finally, I decide to pull out a map.
I started charting my course. I pored over previous surveys of PCT through-hikers and their trail reports; I bookmarked through-hiker guides and penned the permit dates in my calendar. The more I read the more urgency I felt, the idea free-falling through my soul in search of terminal velocity.
In 2021, wildfires ripped through California, bolstered by lack of forest maintenance during Covid, decimating forests and closing large swathes of the PCT in California. In September of 2022,similar blazes in Canada closed the northern terminus of the PCT, forcing north-bound hikers to abandon their hopes of completing the PCT. A few months later, the West Coast experienced historic levels of snowfall. In response, the PCTA ( Pacific Crest Trail Association ) announced closures along trails with high avalanche risk. Record snowpack made hiking conditions on open trails more dangerous, as atmospheric rivers dumped rain 24/7 in some areas, and snowmelt flooded rivers in others. Through-hiking the PCT has already changed irrevocably due to climate change, and many hikers echo concernsaround how much longer the PCT will be relatively safe to hike.
I quit my job in May with a plan to take 2 years off before returning to the workforce. I’m 32 now and though I’m unsure if I want to have children, I can’t completely dismiss the possibility. I know older folks say that there’s all the time in the world to do the things that you love, but with the PCT, that just doesn’t seem true. My window of opportunity feels like it’s being strangled closed by how climate change will impact the PCT in 10 or 20 years, or whenever I might get my next chance, so my gut clenches and tells me I must go NOW.
It’s easier to say “I was inspired by Wild” than to convey the terror and grief I feel when thinking about what California’s wilderness might look like in 20 years. It feels stupid and selfish to say that I’m trying to beat out climate change, and joining the hoards of hikers stampeding through the PCT to do so. But I want to face the brutal exposure of the Mojave, to see meadows shimmering with wildflowers, to be made minuscule by the alpine peaks of the High Sierra. I want to huddle in my tent during the rain and wonder,why did I choose this, and when the storm breaks, I want to look across the expansive valley and marvel, I came from all the way over there. I want to pay my respects to all of the forests that burned.
In a way, I’m reclaiming the first half of my twenties. I was so afraid of getting lost that I never considered if the trail headed whereI wanted to go. I kept my eyes so firmly fixed on the well-trodden path, I barely saw what I was passing. But now, I want to plunge enthusiastically into the unknown, trusting that even though some steps may slip and some will lead the wrong way, I’ll take each of them intentionally. One step at a time, my eyes wide open with awe.
https://www.instagram.com/angies.gone.wild
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