在影視劇中，“一見鍾情”的情節屢見不鮮：主角遇見某人，彷彿全世界都靜止，浪漫氣氛瞬間拉滿。
電視劇《愛你》劇照 圖源：電視劇《愛你》微博
但在現實中，愛情需要經營。
《華爾街日報》曾刊登過一篇由美國知名愛情顧問Aleeza Ben Shalom撰寫的相親建議，她提出了五條實用的“約會成功指南”。
不建議AA制
在性別平等觀念逐漸普及的今天，“誰買單”早已不只是一個簡單的結賬動作。每次約會結束的那一刻，總有人不經意地在心裡權衡：是應該堅持AA，體現獨立和平等，還是某一方請客，作為一種體貼或儀式感的表達？
在Shalom看來，無論多少錢，買單都是一種表達：你願意投入，因為你珍惜他們的時間和陪伴。
它像一座橋，連線著兩個緊張卻充滿期待、正在彼此瞭解的人。
這不是權力或性別的問題，也不意味著誰必須一直買單。關鍵在於，這個舉動傳遞出一種真誠與開放的態度，是對“鼓起勇氣赴約”的溫柔回應。
Whether it's $1 or $100, paying for someone communicates your investment in them because you value their time and company. It's a way to bridge the gap between two hopeful, nervous, fact-finding individuals.This shouldn't be about power or gender; the same person shouldn't have to pay every time. But the gesture is an expression of openness and optimism and can go a long way toward rewarding the vulnerability of simply showing up.
如果你不討厭對方，那就繼續約會，直到你100%確定這段關係不適合你。
如果你還拿不準，那說明還沒到做決定的時候。Shalom建議至少約會五次，如果五次後仍猶豫，那就繼續瞭解。
When done right, dating is simply gathering information. Because it takes time to even begin scratching the surface of who this other person might be and who they might be with you, I tell my clients to commit to a minimum of five dates with someone. And if after five dates you're still not sure? When in doubt, go out.
身體接觸很容易矇蔽判斷力，太快建立親密關係可能讓人誤以為感情很深。
只要你用禮貌和善意表達自己的界限，大多數人都會願意尊重你。但如果對方對此不滿，那其實已經說明了他們是什麼樣的人。
如果能順利走到第六次約會，並且彼此都相處得體，說明你們倆都是認真對待這段關係的。
Most people will be happy to respect your boundaries if you communicate them with kindness and courtesy. If someone pushes back, that will tell you a lot about who they are. Date six, when done right, is electric. If you make it that far, you'll know that both of you are there for the right reasons.
許多人認為“化學反應”必須自然發生，但實際上，Shalom認為應當打破這種幻想——火花是可以主動點燃的。方法很簡單：
-
放下手機，全程專注於對方。
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直視對方眼睛，用名字稱呼對方，認真傾聽並追問細節。
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放下“欲擒故縱”的遊戲，真誠勝過套路。
The best ways to do this are simple, if not necessarily easy. First, put your phone away. You are allowed to look at it zero times on a date. Instead, look your date in the eyes, address him or her by name, ask questions, listen to the answers and follow up. I'm often surprised by just how many people don't quite appreciate the value of attention.
電視劇《苦盡柑來遇見你》劇照
不合適也要保持風度
即使最終不合適，也請感謝對方付出的時間與努力。每段經歷都是自我認知的一部分——你在不斷發現自己真正需要怎樣的伴侶。
Even if this person isn't your person, they have given you their time and energy, so make sure to thank them. Keep it classy, and they'll keep you in mind.
專注過程，而非結果。就算沒遇到對的人，你也會收穫一段重要關係。
編輯：左卓
見習編輯：裴禧盈
實習生：林楚欣
來源：華爾街日報
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