我和我的雙胞胎哥哥一起長大，他是個富有愛心的好兄弟。要知道，作為雙胞胎，你很快就在一件事上成為專家，就是注意到偏愛。如果他的餅乾比我的大，哪怕一點點，我就會質疑。當然我也沒被餓著。

When I became a psychologist, I began to notice favoritism of a different kind; and that is, how much more we value the body than we do the mind. I spent nine years at university earning my doctorate in psychology,

當我成為一個心理學家，我開始注意到另一種不同的偏愛，那就是我們賦予我們的身體比精神更多的價值。我花了九年時間獲得心理學博士學位，

and I can't tell you how many people look at my business card and say, "Oh — a psychologist. So, not a real doctor," as if it should say that>但不知道有多少人看了我的名片說，“哦，心理學家，原來不是真正的醫生。”就好像我的名片上就該明確說明似的。（笑聲） 這種對身體多於精神的偏愛隨處可見。

I recently was at a friend's house, and their five-year-old was getting ready for bed. He was standing>我最近在朋友家，他們五歲的小孩準備上床睡覺。他站在小凳子上，在水池邊刷牙， 然後他滑了一下，摔倒的時候颳了他的腿。他哭了一下，隨後就爬起來了，站回小凳子上，拿了一個創可貼貼在他的傷口上。

Now, this kid could barely tie his shoelaces, but he knew you have to cover a cut so it doesn't become infected, and you have to care for your teeth by brushing twice a day. We all know how to maintain our physical health and how to practice dental hygiene, right?

這孩子剛學會繫鞋帶兒，但他都知道要保護傷口以免感染，同時還要一天刷兩次牙來保護牙齒。我們都知道怎樣保持身體的健康，還有怎樣保持牙齒衛生，對不對？

We've known it since we were five years old. But what do we know about maintaining our psychological health? Well, nothing. What do we teach our children about emotional hygiene? Nothing. How is it that we spend more time taking care of our teeth than we do our minds? Why is it that our physical health is so much more important to us than our psychological health?

我們從五歲起就知道這些東西了。但是我們知道怎樣保持精神上的健康嗎？完全不知道。我們教給孩子們情緒保健嗎？完全沒有。為什麼我們花在牙齒的時間比花在精神的時間上還多呢？為什麼我們那麼重視身體健康遠遠多於心理健康呢？

We sustain psychological injuries even more often than we do physical>我們承受心理上的傷害比身體上的多得多，例如失敗，被拒絕，孤獨。如果我們忽視它們，情況也會惡化，它們同樣會給我們的生活帶來重大的影響。然而，雖然有科學證實的療法來幫助我們治療這些心理上的傷害， 我們卻不採取行動。

It doesn't even occur to us that we should. "Oh, you're feeling depressed? Just shake it off; it's all in your head." Can you imagine saying that to somebody with a broken leg: "Oh, just walk it off; it's all in your leg."It is time we closed the gap between our physical and our psychological health. It's time we made them more equal, more like twins.

我們甚至都沒意識到我們應該採取行動。“哦，你感到抑鬱麼？別去想了，都在你腦袋裡。”你能想象對一個骨折了的人說這樣的話嗎？“哦，走走就好了，都在你腿上。”（笑聲）我們應該消除這種對身體和精神健康的區別對待。應該把兩者對等起來，像雙胞胎一樣。

Speaking of which, my brother is also a psychologist. So he's not a real doctor, either. We didn't study together, though. In fact, the hardest thing I've ever done in my life is move across the Atlantic to New York City to get my doctorate in psychology. We were apart then for the first time in our lives, and the separation was brutal for both of us.

說起雙胞胎，我哥哥也是個心理醫生。所以他也不是真正的醫生。（笑聲）我們不是在一起上的學。事實上，我這輩子經歷過的最困難的事就是跨過大西洋搬到紐約來讀心理學的博士學位。那是我們倆第一次分隔兩地，這個分離對我倆來說都很殘酷。

But while he remained among family and friends, I was alone in a new country. We missed each other terribly, but international phone calls were really expensive then, and we could>當他和家人朋友一起時，我卻孤單的在一個新的國度。我們都非常想念對方，但那時候國際長途都很貴，我們一週只打的起五分鐘的電話。當我們生日快到了的時候，那是我們第一個沒在一起過的生日。我們決定奢侈一把，在那個星期聊上十分鐘。

I spent the morning pacing around my room, waiting for him to call — and waiting … and waiting. But the phone didn't ring. Given the time difference, I assumed, "OK, he's out with friends, he'll call later." There were no cell phones then. But he didn't. And I began to realize that after being away for over 10 months, he no longer missed me the way I missed him.

我那天早上在房間裡踱來踱去，等著我哥哥給我打過來－我等啊等啊，電話就是不響。由於時差的關係，我就想，“好吧，他一定是和朋友在一起，他晚點兒會打來的。”那時候也沒有手機。但他始終沒打來。我開始意識到，在我離開十個月以後，他不再像我想他那樣想我了。

I knew he would call in the morning, but that night was>我知道他早上會打來，但那一晚是我一生中最傷心、最漫長的一晚。第二天一早醒來，我瞅了一眼電話，我意識到，來回踱步時我把電話線踹下來了。我迷迷糊糊的跳下床，我剛把電話插回介面，一秒鐘之後電話就響了。是我哥哥，他可氣壞了。

It was the saddest and longest night of his life as well. Now, I tried to explain what happened, but he said, "I don't understand. If you saw I wasn't calling you, why didn't you just pick up the phone and call me?" He was right. Why didn't I call him? I didn't have an answer then. But I do today, and it's a simple>那也是他一生中最傷心漫長的一夜。當我跟他解釋事情的經過，他說，“我不明白。你看我沒給你打， 你為什麼不打給我呢？”他說的對。我為什麼不打給他呢？我當時無法解釋，但我現在明白了，非常簡單的原因：孤獨。

Loneliness creates a deep psychological wound,>孤獨導致深重的心理創傷，扭曲我們的感知能力，剝奪我們的思考能力。它使我們相信身邊的人不再在乎我們。它使我們不敢與人聯絡，為什麼給自取其辱被拒絕呢？你的心痛的還不夠多麼？

I was in the grips of real loneliness back then, but I was surrounded by people all day, so it never occurred to me. But loneliness is defined purely subjectively. It depends solely>我那個時候被孤獨緊緊包裹著，但我總和別人在一起，我自己都沒意識到。但孤獨是完全從主觀上定義的。它完全取決於你是否覺得在情緒上或是交際上和你周圍的人相隔絕。我當時是這樣的。我們有很多關於孤獨的研究，都很可怕。

Loneliness won't just make you miserable; it will kill you. I'm not kidding. Chronic loneliness increases your likelihood of an early death by 14 percent. Fourteen percent! Loneliness causes high blood pressure, high cholesterol. It even suppress the functioning of your immune system, making you vulnerable to all kinds of illnesses and diseases.

孤獨不僅讓你覺得悽慘，它還可能致死。我可不是開玩笑。長期的孤獨會增加你早逝的可能性高達14%之多。孤獨可能導致高血壓，高膽固醇。它甚至會影響你的免疫系統，使你容易患上各種疾病。

In fact, scientists have concluded that taken together, chronic loneliness poses as significant a risk for your long-term health and longevity as cigarette smoking. Now, cigarette packs come with warnings saying, "This could kill you." But loneliness doesn't.

事實上，科學家已經得出結論，長期的孤獨對你的健康和長壽的負面影響比抽菸還要糟。香菸的包裝上還有“吸菸致命”的警句。可孤獨沒有。

And that's why it's so important that we prioritize our psychological health, that we practice emotional hygiene. Because you can't treat a psychological wound if you don't even know you're injured. Loneliness isn't the>這就是我們為什麼要重視心理健康，要注意保持情緒健康。因為，你無法治癒心理上的創傷，如果你都不知道自己受到了傷害的話。孤獨不是唯一可能扭曲及誤導我們的心理創傷。

Failure does that as well. I>失敗也有同樣效果。我曾訪問過一個幼兒園，在那兒我觀察了三個兒童，在玩完全一樣的塑膠玩具。你得把一個紅色的鈕滑開，然後一個可愛的小狗就會跳出來。一個小女孩對紫色的鈕又拉又按，然後她就坐下來，瞧著那盒子，下嘴唇開始發顫。

The little boy next to her watched this happen, then turned to his box and burst into tears without even touching it. Meanwhile, another little girl tried everything she could think of until she slid the red button, the cute doggie popped out, and she squealed with delight. So: three toddlers with identical plastic toys, but with very different reactions to failure.

她旁邊的一個小男孩看到這一幕，再看著他的盒子，都沒動手就哇哇大哭了。與此同時，另一個小女孩試了各種方法，直到她滑動了那個紅鈕，可愛的小狗跳了出來，她開心的叫了起來。同樣的塑膠玩具給了這三個幼兒，但他們對失敗的反應截然不同。

The first two toddlers were perfectly capable of sliding a red button. The>cked them into believing they could not. Now, adults get tricked this way as well, all the time. In fact, we all have a default set of feelings and beliefs that gets triggered whenever we encounter frustrations and setbacks.

前兩個小孩完全有能力滑動那個紅鈕。唯一阻止他們成功的因素就是他們被自己做不成的想法給騙了。成年人也經常中這樣的圈套。事實上，我們都有一個固定的思維感知模式，每當我們感到沮喪，受到挫折，我們便會進入這個模式。

Are you aware of how your mind reacts to failure? You need to be. Because if your mind tries to convince you you're incapable of something, and you believe it, then like those two toddlers, you'll begin to feel helpless and you'll stop trying too soon, or you won't even try at all.

你清不清楚你是怎麼對應失敗的？你應該清楚。因為如果你的頭腦告訴你，你不能做成什麼事，而你相信了的話，你就會像那前兩個小孩似的，開始感到無助然後你很快就放棄了，甚至都不去試一下。

And then you'll be even more convinced you can't succeed. You see, that's why so many people function below their actual potential. Because somewhere along the way, sometimes a single failure convinced them that they couldn't succeed, and they believed it.

然後你就更加確信你成功不了。你看，這就是為什麼那麼多人都無法充分發揮他們的潛能。因為不一定在什麼地方，有那麼一次失敗讓他們認定了自己不能成功。

Once we become convinced of something, it's very difficult to change our mind. I learned that lesson the hard way when I was a teenager with my brother. We were driving with friends down a dark road at night, when a police car stopped us.

我們一旦被某件事說服，往往就很難改變主意。我十幾歲的時候，和我哥哥一起，吃了點苦頭才明白這道理。有一天晚上，我倆和朋友們在一條很黑的路上開著車。一輛警車把我們攔下了。

There had been a robbery in the area and they were looking for suspects. The officer approached the car, and shined his flashlight>附近發生了搶劫，警察在追蹤嫌犯。警察走到車邊，對司機晃了晃手電筒，又照了照坐在副駕駛的我哥哥，然後照到了我。他瞪大了眼睛說得，“我在哪兒見過你？” 

And I said, "In the front seat."But that made no sense to him whatsoever, so now he thought I was>我說，“副駕駛座上。”但對他來說，我的回答莫名其妙。所以他認為我嗑了藥。於是他把我拖出車子，又搜了我的身，他把我押到警車那兒，

and>直到他驗證了我並沒有犯罪記錄，我才有機會解釋，我和副駕駛座位上的是雙胞胎。但是直到我們開走了，你仍可以看到他的表情，他認定我一定幹了什麼壞事。

Our mind is hard to change>一旦我們認定了的事情，我們很難改變看法。所以當你失敗了，感覺士氣低落是很自然的。但是你不能允許自己相信你不可能成功。你要和那種無助的感覺鬥爭。你要重新控制局面。而且你必須在這種負能量迴圈開始前打破它。

Our minds and our feelings — they're not the trustworthy friends we thought they were. They're more like a really moody friend, who can be totally supportive>我們的想法和感覺，它們不是像我們想象的那麼忠誠的朋友。它們更像是一個非常情緒化的朋友，有時非常支援你，而有時令人不愉快。我以前的一個女同事，她結婚20年之後離婚了，婚離的很慘烈，然後她終於準備好開始新的約會了。她在網上認識了這個男的。他看上去人很好，也很成功，最重要的是，他似乎對她非常感興趣。

So she was very excited, she bought a new dress, and they met at an upscale New York City bar for a drink. Ten minutes into the date, the man stands up and says, "I'm not interested," and walks out. Rejection is extremely painful. The woman was so hurt she couldn't move. All she could do was call a friend. Here's what the friend said:

她非常興奮，還為約會買了新裙子，然後他們約在紐約的一個高階酒吧裡喝一杯。約會才進行了10分鐘，那位男士站起來說，“我沒興趣了，”然後就走了。被拒絕是極其痛苦的。這位女士非常受傷，以致於都動不了了。於是她給一個朋友打電話。她朋友是這樣說的：

"Well, what do you expect? You have big hips, you have nothing interesting to say. Why would a handsome, successful man like that ever go out with a loser like you?" Shocking, right, that a friend could be so cruel? But it would be much less shocking if I told you it wasn't the friend who said that. It's what the woman said to herself. And that's something we all do, especially after a rejection.

“那你還想怎樣？你又胖又沒有什麼好聊的，為什麼任何一個英俊的成功男士會和你這樣的失敗者約會呢？“ 太不像話了，是不是，朋友怎麼可以這樣冷酷無情？這或許聽上去不太過分，要是我告訴你這話不是朋友說的。這其實是那位女士對她自己說的。我們都幹過這事兒，尤其是被拒絕之後。

We all start thinking of all our faults and all our shortcomings, what we wish we were, what we wish we weren't. We call ourselves names. Maybe not as harshly, but we all do it. And it's interesting that we do, because our self-esteem is already hurting.

我們開始去想我們犯的錯，我們的缺點，我們要是這樣就好了，我們要是不那樣就好了，我們給自己起外號。也許程度不同，但我們都幹過這事。我們為什麼會這樣做。我們的自尊已經被傷害了。

Why would we want to go and damage it even further? We wouldn't make a physical injury worse>為什麼我們要進一步傷害它呢？要是身體受傷了，我們不會故意去把它弄的更糟。你要是胳膊上有個傷口，你不會說，“啊，我知道！我要拿刀看我到底能捅多深。“

But we do that with psychological injuries all the time. Why? Because of poor emotional hygiene. Because we don't prioritize our psychological health. We know from dozens of studies that when your self-esteem is lower, you are more vulnerable to stress and to anxiety; that failures and rejections hurt more,

但是我們經常如此對待心理傷害。為什麼？由於糟糕的心理保健意識。因為我們不重視心理健康。很多研究表明，如果你的自尊心低落，你就更容易感到壓力和焦慮， 失敗和拒絕會傷害你更深，

and it takes longer to recover from them. So when you get rejected, the first thing you should be doing is to revive your self-esteem, not join Fight Club and beat it into a pulp. When you're in emotional pain, treat yourself with the same compassion you would expect from a truly good friend.

你也需要更多的時間復原。所以如果你被拒絕了，首要的事情是應該重新啟用你的自尊心，而不是去拳擊俱樂部打拳來發洩。當你在經歷感情上痛苦，像一個真正的好朋友那樣同情你自己。

We have to catch our unhealthy psychological habits and change them. And>我們需要改變不健康的心理習慣。最常見又最不健康的習慣之一就是窮思竭慮。就是事後反覆咀嚼回味一件事。比如你的老闆衝你發脾氣了，或是教授在課上讓你感到愚蠢，或是你和好朋友吵架了，然後你不斷的在腦海裡回放當時的情況，好幾天，甚至好幾個禮拜都不停。

Now, ruminating about upsetting events in this way can easily become a habit, and it's a very costly>ression, alcoholism, eating disorders, and even cardiovascular disease.

反覆回味不愉快的事很容易變成習慣，而這個習慣代價很大。因為當你在不愉快和負面的事情上花這麼多時間，你把自己放在一個非常危險的境地，可能誘發抑鬱症，酗酒，飲食失調，甚至心血管疾病。

The problem is, the urge to ruminate can feel really strong and really important, so it's a difficult habit to stop. I know this for a fact, because a little over a year ago, I developed the habit myself. You see, my twin brother was diagnosed with stage 3 non-Hodgkin's lymphoma. His cancer was extremely aggressive. He had visible tumors all over his body. And he had to start a harsh course of chemotherapy.

問題在於那種反覆回味的需要會變得非常強烈，非常緊迫，所以這種習慣會很難打破。我知道事實如此，因為就在一年多以前，我自己就經歷了這個習慣。我的雙胞胎哥哥被確診為三期非霍奇金淋巴瘤。他的癌症來勢洶洶。全身都有看得到的腫瘤。他要做一輪大劑量的化療。

And I couldn't stop thinking about what he was going through. I couldn't stop thinking about how much he was suffering, even though he never complained, not>我情不自禁去想他所經歷的這一切。情不自禁去想他受的這些罪，儘管他從沒抱怨過，一次都沒有。他有著這種不可思議的積極態度。他的心理健康程度太了不起了。我身體上很健康，但心理上我那時是一團糟。

But I knew what to do. Studies tell us that even a two-minute distraction is sufficient to break the urge to ruminate in that moment. And so each time I had a worrying, upsetting, negative thought, I forced myself to concentrate>但我知道該怎樣做。研究表明，哪怕只是分心短短兩分鐘都足以打破那一刻你窮思竭慮的需求。所以每次當我擔心，煩惱，或帶有負面情緒時，我就強迫自己專注於其他的事情，直到那種感覺過去。僅僅一週時間，我的視角就全變了，變得更積極，更充滿希望。

Nine weeks after he started chemotherapy, my brother had a CAT scan, and I was by his side when he got the results. All the tumors were gone. He still had three more rounds of chemotherapy to go, but we knew he would recover. This picture was taken two weeks ago.

做了化療九周之後，我哥哥做了電腦斷層掃描，出結果的時候，我就在他身邊。所有的腫瘤都消失了。他還得再做三輪化療，但是我們知道他能恢復。這張照片是兩週前照的。

By taking action when you're lonely, by changing your responses to failure, by protecting your self-esteem, by battling negative thinking, you won't just heal your psychological wounds, you will build emotional resilience, you will thrive. A hundred years ago, people began practicing personal hygiene, and life expectancy rates rose by over 50 percent in just a matter of decades. I believe our quality of life could rise just as dramatically if we all began practicing emotional hygiene.

當你在孤獨的時候採取行動，當你改變對待失敗的反應，當你保護自己的自尊心，當你與負面的想法做鬥爭，你不僅可以治癒心理上的創傷，你會建立起情緒恢復能力，你會變得更強。一百年以前，人們開始注重個人衛生，人的壽命延長了50%還多，這僅用了十年就實現了。我相信，我們的生活質量也會有同樣程度的提高，如果我們開始關注情緒上的保健。

Can you imagine what the world would be like if everyone was psychologically healthier? If there were less loneliness and less depression? If people knew how to overcome failure? If they felt better about themselves and more empowered? If they were happier and more fulfilled?

能想象一下麼，這個世界會是什麼樣子。如果每個人都在心理上更健康，如果世上少一些孤獨和抑鬱，如果人們瞭解如何走出失敗的陰影，如果人們更自信、充滿力量。如果人們更幸福、更滿足。

I can, because that's the world I want to live in. And that's the world my brother wants to live in as well. And if you just become informed and change a few simple habits, well — that's the world we can all live in.Thank you very much.

我能，因為那是一個我想置身其中的世界，也是我哥哥想置身其中的世界。只要你瞭解這些知識，並改變一些簡單的習慣，那將是一個我們都能置身其中的世界。非常感謝。