懺悔錄Confessions|BookⅣChapter8友誼的慰藉

BookⅣ Chapter8

友誼的慰藉

Times lose no time; nor do they roll idly by; through our senses they work strange operations on the mind. Behold, they went and came day by day, and by coming and going, introduced into my mind other imaginations and other remembrances; and little by little patched me up again with my old kind of delights, unto which that my sorrow gave way. And yet there succeeded, not indeed other griefs, yet the causes of other griefs. For whence had that former grief so easily reached my very inmost soul, but that I had poured out my soul upon the dust, in loving one that must die, as if he would never die?

時間並不閒著，並非無所事事的悠然而逝：透過我們的感覺，時間在我們心中進行著令人驚奇的工作。時間一天又一天的來來去去，在它來時去時，把新的希望、新的回憶注入我心中，逐漸恢復我舊時的尋歡作樂，迫使痛苦撤退；但替代的雖不是新的痛苦，卻是造成新痛苦的因素。何以這痛苦能輕易地深入我內心呢？原因是由於我愛上一個要死亡的人，好像他不會死亡一樣，這是把我的靈魂灑在沙灘上。

For what restored and refreshed me chiefly was the solaces of other friends, with whom I did love, what instead of Thee I loved; and this was a great fable, and protracted lie, by whose adulterous stimulus, our soul, which lay itching in our ears, was being defiled. But that fable would not die to me, so often as any of my friends died. There were other things which in them did more take my mind; to talk and jest together, to do kind offices by turns; to read together honied books; to play the fool or be earnest together; to dissent at times without discontent, as a man might with his own self; and even with the seldomness of these dissentings, to season our more frequent consentings; sometimes to teach, and sometimes learn; long for the absent with impatience; and welcome the coming with joy. These and the like expressions, proceeding out of the hearts of those that loved and were loved again, by the countenance, the tongue, the eyes, and a thousand pleasing gestures, were so much fuel to melt our souls together, and out of many make but one.

這時最能恢復我的生氣的，是其他朋友們給我的安慰，我和他們一起都愛著我當時所奉為真神的一連串神話和荒渺之言，我們這顆癢癢的心，用這些邪僻的東西來搔爬著，讓它們腐蝕我們的心靈。一個朋友能死去，神話卻不會死。此外，在那些朋友身上還有更能吸引我的東西：大家談論，嬉笑，彼此善意的親暱，共同閱讀有趣的書籍，彼此玩笑，彼此體貼，有時意見不合，卻不會生出仇恨，正似人們對待自身一樣；而且偶然的意見不同，反能增加經常意見一致的韻味；我們個個是老師，也個個是學生；有人缺席，便一心掛念著，而歡迎他的回來：所有以上種種，以及其他類似的情形都出於心心相印，而流露於談吐顧盼之間，流露於千萬種親厚摯熱的情款；這一切正似熔爐的燃料，把許多人的心靈融而為一。

This is it that is loved in friends; and so loved, that a man's conscience condemns itself, if he love not him that loves him again, or love not again him that loves him, looking for nothing from his person but indications of his love. Hence that mourning, if one die, and darkenings of sorrows, that steeping of the heart in tears, all sweetness turned to bitterness; and upon the loss of life of the dying, the death of the living.

朋友之間彼此相愛便是如此，甚至可以到達這樣的程度：如果對朋友不以愛還愛，會覺得良心的譴責；對朋友只要求善意的表示。因此，一個朋友死去，便會傷心，蒙上痛苦的陰影，甜蜜變成辛酸，心靈完全沉浸在淚水中，死者的喪失生命，恍如生者的死亡。

Blessed who so loveth Thee, and his friend in Thee, and his enemy for Thee. For he alone loses none dear to him, to whom all are dear in Him who cannot be lost. And who is this but our God, the God that made heaven and earth, and filleth them, because by filling them He created them? Thee none loseth, but who leaveth. And who leaveth Thee, whither goeth or whither fleeth he, but from Thee well-pleased, to Thee displeased? For where doth he not find Thy law in his own punishment? And Thy law is truth, and truth Thou.

誰愛你，在你愛朋之中，為你而愛仇人，這樣的人真是幸福！一人能在你身上泛愛眾人，既然不會喪失你，也不會喪失所愛的人；除了你、我們的上帝，創造天地並充塞天地，充塞天地而創造天地的上帝外，能有不會喪失的東西嗎？沒有一人能喪失你，除非他離棄你，而離棄了你能走往哪裡，能逃住哪裡去呢？不過是離棄了慈祥的你，走向憤怒的你。在你的懲罰的範圍中那裡能避得開你的法律？“你的法律即是真理”，而“真理即是你”。[13]